Mary Poppins Script at IMSDb.
Wind's in the east, mist comin' in.
Like something is brewin' about to begin
Can't put me finger on what lies in store
But I feel what's to happen, all happened before.
I'm sorry. Where was I? Thank you, one and all, for your kind support. Ah, Miss Lark, thank you. Crikey. Bless you, guv. Generosity itself, that's what you are. No charge.
Oh, it's you! Hello. Number 17 Cherry Tree Lane, you say? All right. Come along with me. This here's Cherry Tree Lane. Nice little spot, you might say. Number 17's just down a bit. Now, this imposing edifice what first greets the eye, is the home of Admiral Boom, late of His Majesty's Navy. Likes his house shipshape, he does, shipshape and Bristol fashion at all times.
Admiral Boom:
Three minutes and six seconds.
Mr Binnacle:
Aye, aye, sir.
Bert:
What he's famous for is punctuality. The whole world takes its time from Greenwich. But Greenwich, they say, takes its time from Admiral Boom. What cheer, admiral?
Admiral Boom:
Good afternoon to you, young man. Where are you bound?
Bert:
Number 17. Got some parties here in tow what wants to see it.
Admiral Boom:
Enter that in the log.
Mr Binnacle:
Aye, aye, sir.
Admiral Boom:
A word of advice, young man: storm signals are up at number 17. Bit of heavy weather brewing there.
Bert:
Thank you, sir. Keep an eye skinned. Here we are. Number 17 Cherry Tree Lane. Residence of George Banks, Esquire. Hello, hello, hello. The admiral's right. Heavy weather brewin' at number 17, and no mistake.
Mrs. Brill:
Shut up!
Mrs. Brill:
I'll show you. Don't you be trying to stop the wretched creature! Let her go, that's what I say, and good riddance! I never liked her from the moment she set foot in the door.
Ellen:
But who gets stuck with the children with no nanny in the house? Me, that's who!
Mrs. Brill:
Her and her high and mighty ways! And that face of her that would stop a coal barge, it would.
Katie Nanna:
Indeed, Mrs. Brill! I wouldn't stay in this house another minute, not if you heap me with all the jewels in Christendom.
Ellen:
No, no, Katie Nanna, don't go!
Katie Nanna:
Stand away from that door, my girl!
Ellen:
But what am I gonna tell the master about the children?
Katie Nanna:
It's no concern of mine. Those little beasts have run away from me for the last time.
Ellen:
They must be somewhere. Did you look around the zoo in the park? You know how Jane and Michael is. Coo! You don't think the lion could've got at them, do ya? You know how fond they was of hangin' around the cage.
Katie Nanna:
I said my say, and that's all I'll say. I've done with this house forever.
Mrs. Brill:
Well, hip, hip, hooray! And don't stumble on the way out, dearie.
Ellen:
Our daughter's daughters will adore us
And we'll sing in grateful chorus
"Well done, Sister Suffragette"
Good evening, Katie Nanna, Ellen. We had the most glorious meeting! Mrs. Whitbourne-Allen chained herself to the wheel of the prime minister's carriage. You should've been there.
Katie Nanna:
Mrs. Banks, I would like a word with you.
Mrs. Banks:
And Mrs. Ainslie, she was carried off to prison, singing and scattering pamphlets all the way!
Katie Nanna:
I'm glad you're home, madam. I've always given the best that's in me.
Mrs. Banks:
On, thank you, Katie Nanna. I always knew you were one of us.
We're clearly soldiers in petticoats
And dauntless crusaders for women's votes
Though we adore men individually
We agree that as a group they're rather stupid
Katie nanna:
Cast off the shackles of yesterday
Shoulder to shoulder into the fray
Our daughter's daughters will adore us
And they'll sing in grateful chorus
"Well done, Sister Suffragette"
Being that as it may, I do not wish to offend, but I--
Mrs. Banks:
One hears the restless cries
From every corner of the land: womankind arise
Political equality and equal rights with men
Take heart for Mrs. Pankhurst has been clapped in irons again
No more the meek and mild subservients we
We're fighting for our rights, militantly - never you fear
Katie Nanna:
If I may have a word, Mrs. Banks.
Mrs. Banks:
So cast off the shackles of yesterday
Katie Nanna:
The children, madam, to be precise, are not here. They've disappeared again.
Mrs. Banks:
Katie Nanna, this is really too careless of you. Doesn't it make the third time this week?
Katie Nanna:
The fourth, madam. And I for one have had my fill of it. I'm not one to speak ill of the children, but--
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, please, when do you expect them home?
Katie Nanna:
I really couldn't say. And now if you'd be good enough to compute my wages, I'll--
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, gracious, Katie Nanna! You're not leaving? What will Mr. Banks say? He's going to be cross enough as it is to come home and find the children missing. Ellen, put these things away. You know how the cause infuriates Mr. Banks.
Ellen:
Yes, ma'am.
Mrs. Banks:
Katie Nanna, I beseech you. Please reconsider. Think of the children. Think of Mr. Banks. He was just beginning to get used to you.
Admiral Boom:
Posts, everyone! Four, three, two, one. Fire!
Mrs. Banks:
Katie Nanna, I do beseech you--
Katie Nanna:
My wages, if you please.
Mr. Banks:
Bit early tonight, aren't you, admiral?
Admiral Boom:
Nonsense. Bang on the dot, as usual. How are things in the world of finance?
Mr. Banks:
Never better. Money's sound. Credit rates are moving up, up, up. And the British pound is the admiration of the world.
Admiral Boom:
Well, they're missing. Katie Nanna has looked everywhere.
Mr. Banks:
Very well. I'll deal with this at once.
Give me the police station, quickly, please.
Mrs. Banks:
I don't think we need bother the police, dear. The facts of the matter--
Mr. Banks:
Kindly do not attempt to cloud the issue with facts. One fact, and one fact alone is crystal clear! Katie Nanna's faltered at her post. She's let the family down. And I shall bring her to boo-- oh. She's left us, hasn't she?
Mrs. Banks:
Yes, dear, only just.
Mr. Banks:
What, uh-- yes. George Banks here. Yes. 17 Cherry Tree Lane. It's a matter of some urgency. I should like you to send a policeman around immediately.
Mrs. Banks:
The policeman's here, George!
Mr. Banks:
What? Oh, how very prompt. What wonderful service. Thank you so much. Good night. Come in, constable. Come in.
Constable:
Thank you, sir. While going about my duties on the other side of the park, I noted some valuables that had gone astray. I believe they're yours, sir.
Mr. Banks:
Winifred, please don't be emotional.
Constable:
Oh, I wouldn't be too hard on 'em, sir. They've had a long, weary walk today.
Mr. Banks:
Children, come here at once. Well?
Jane:
I'm sorry we lost Katie Nanna, Father. You see, it was windy. And the kite was too strong for us.
Constable:
In a manner of speaking, sir, it was the kite that ran away, not the children.
Mr. Banks:
Thank you, Constable. I think I can manage this.
Jane:
Actually it wasn't a very good kite. We made it ourselves. Perhaps if you helped us to make one--
Constable:
Ah, that's the ticket, sir. Kites are skittish things. Why, only last week with me own youngsters--
Mr. Banks:
I'm very grateful to you, Constable, for returning the children. And I'm sure that if you go to the kitchen, Cook'll find you a plate of something.
Constable:
Thank you, sir. I shall now return to my duties.
Jane:
Good night, miss. Good night, ma'am. Good night, sir. Cook'll find me something. I never--
Mrs. Banks:
I'm awfully sorry about this, George. I'll expect you'll want to discuss it.
Mr. Banks:
I would indeed! Ellen, take Jane and Michael upstairs straightaway.
Ellen:
Yes, sir. I knew it. When all's said and done, who bears the brunt of everything around here? Me, that's who! They don't want an honest, hard-workin' girl around here. They need a ruddy zookeeper.
Mrs. Banks:
I'm sorry, dear, but when I chose Katie Nanna, I thought she would be firm with the children. She looked so solemn and cross.
Mr. Banks:
Winifred, never confuse efficiency with a liver complaint.
Mrs. Banks:
I'll try to do better next time.
Mr. Banks:
Next time? My dear, you've engaged six nannies in the last four months! And they've all been unqualified disasters.
Mrs. Banks:
I quite agree.
Mr. Banks:
Choosing a nanny for the children is an important and delicate task. It requires insight, balanced judgment, and an ability to read character. Under the circumstances, I think it might be apropos to take it upon myself to, uh, select the next person.
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, would you, George?
Mr. Banks:
Obviously the way to find a proper nanny, is to go about it in a proper fashion. I shall put an advertisement in The Times. Take this down please.
Mrs. Banks:
Jane and Michael Banks
Mr. Banks:
Thank you. Most interesting. And now I think we've had quite enough of this nonsense. Please return to the nursery.
Mrs. Banks:
They were only trying to help. They're just children.
Mr. Banks:
I'm well aware they're just children, Winifred. I only congratulate myself that I decided to step in and take a hand. "Play games, sing songs, give treats." Ridiculous. There's no question in my mind whatsoever. Now is the time for action.
Give me The Times, please. No, I do not know the number.
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, George, you're always so forceful.
Mrs. Banks:
The Times? George Banks here. 17 Cherry Tree Lane. I wish to place an advertisement in your column.
Admiral Boom:
Bit of somethin' or other taking place off the port bow.
Admiral Boom:
Ghastly looking crew, I must say!
Ellen:
Coo! There's a fair queue of nannies outside, sir. Shall I show 'em in?
Mr. Banks:
Ellen, I said 8:00, and 8:00 it shall jolly well be. You see? Twelve seconds to go. Ten, nine, eight---
Mrs. Banks:
Posts! Seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!
Mr. Banks:
Ellen, it is now 8:00.
Ellen:
Yes, sir.
Mr. Banks:
But I have told you time and time again, Ellen, I dislike being hurried into things.
Jane:
I don't understand. They're not what we advertised for at all.
Michael, look!
Oh.
Mary Poppins:
You are the father of Jane and Michael Banks, are you not? I said, you are the father of Jane and Michael Banks.
Mr. Banks:
Well, well ye-- yes, of course, I mean. Uh-- you brought your references, I presume. May I see them?
Mary Poppins:
Oh, I make it a point never to give references. A very old-fashioned idea to my mind.
Mr. Banks:
Is that so? We'll have to see about that then, won't we?
Mary Poppins:
Now then, the qualifications. "Item one: a cheery disposition." I am never cross. "Item two: rosy cheeks." Obviously. "Item three: play games, all sorts." Well, I'm sure the children will find my games extremely diverting.
Mr. Banks:
May I? Eh, this paper? Where did you get it from? I thought I tore it up.
Mary Poppins:
Excuse me. "Item four: you must be kind." I am kind, but extremely firm. Have you lost something?
Mr. Banks:
Ah! Yeah. That paper, you see. I thought that I--
Mary Poppins:
You are George Banks, are you not?
Mr. Banks:
You mean you've selected one already?
Mr. Banks:
Yes, it's done. It's, it's all done.
Mrs. Banks:
Well, where is she?
Mr. Banks:
What? Well, eh, she's in the nursery of course, I mean. I put her to work straightaway, I mean.
Mrs. Banks:
How clever of you! I would have muddled the whole thing. Tell me, is she everything that we'd hoped she be?
Mr. Banks:
Well, I - it all happened rather quickly. I mean, I-- I, uh--
Mrs. Banks:
Will she be firm? Will she give commands? Will she mold our young breed?
Mr. Banks:
You know, Winifred, I think she will. I think she will.
Mrs. Banks:
In that case, perhaps you'd better tell Ellen to dismiss the others.
Mr. Banks:
The others? Oh, yes. Ellen?
Ellen:
This is your room, and there's a lovely view of the park.
Mary Poppins:
Hmm. Well, it's not exactly Buckingham Palace. Still, it's clean. Yes, I think it will be quite suitable. Just needs a touch here and there. Well, first things first. I always say, the place to hang a hat is on a hat stand. Ah! This will never do! I much prefer seeing all of my face at the same time.
Michael:
There-- but there was nothing in it.
Mary Poppins:
Never judge things by their appearance. Even carpetbags. I'm sure I never do. A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Mmm, a little more light, perhaps.
Michael:
We better keep an eye on this one. She's tricky.
Jane:
She's wonderful.
Mary Poppins:
Much better! Now, let me see. That's funny. I always carry it with me. It must be here somewhere.
Michael:
It is a game, isn't it, Mary Poppins?
Mary Poppins:
Well, it depends on your point of view. You see,
In every job that must be done,
There is an element of fun.
You find the fun, and snap!
The job's a game.
And every task you undertake
Becomes a piece of cake
A lark, a spree it's very clear to see
That a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way
A robin feathering his nest
Has very little time to rest
While gathering his bits of twine and twig
Though quite intent in his pursuit,
He has a merry tune to toot
He knows a song will move the job along
For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
In a most delightful way
The honeybees that fetch the nectar from the flowers to the comb
Never tire of ever buzzing to and fro
Because they take a little nip from every flower that they sip
And hence
Their task is not a grind
Mary Poppins:
Don't be all day about it, please.
Michael:
Let me out! Let me out! Let me out!
Mary Poppins:
Well, that was very--
Thank you now-- when you've quite finished!
Thank you. That will be quite sufficient. Hats and coats, please. It's time for our outing in the park.
Michael:
I don't want an outing. I want to tidy up the nursery again.
Mary Poppins:
Enough is as good as a feast. Come along, please. Let me look at you. Well, you're not as well turned out as I'd like. Still, there's time. There's time. Spit spot! And off we go.
Jane & Michael:
For a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
The medicine go down
Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine
Go down in the most delightful way
Bert:
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo
I does what I likes and I likes what I do
Hello, art lovers.
Today I'm a screever and as you can see
A screever's an artist of highest degree
And it's all me own work
From me own memory
Well, not Royal Academy, I suppose. Still they're better than a finger in your eye, ain't they?
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo
I draws what I likes and I likes what I drew
No remuneration do I ask of you
But me cap would be glad of a copper or two
Me cap would be glad of a copper or two
Wait! Don't move. Don't move a muscle. Stay right where you are. I'd know that silhouette anywhere! Mary Poppins!
Mary Poppins:
It's nice to see you again, Bert. I expect you know Jane and Michael.
Bert:
Well, I've seen 'em here and about. Chasin' a kite last time, weren't it?
Jane:
Mary Poppins is taking us to the park.
Bert:
To the park? Not if I know Mary Poppins. Other nannies take children to the park. When you're with Mary Poppins, suddenly you're in places you've never dreamed of. And quick as you can say "Bob's your uncle," the most unusual things begin to happen.
Mary Poppins:
I'm sure I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.
Bert:
Well mind, it's not my place to say, but what she's probably got in mind, is a jolly holiday somewheres or other. Something along these lines, I shouldn't be surprised. "Punting on the Thames." That's always good if you like an outing. Here we go.
The circus. How about a lovely circus? Lions and tigers. World-famous artistes performing death-defyin' feats, of dexterity and skill before your very eyes. Ta-da! Ta-da!
Jane:
Oh, that's lovely. If you please, I'd much rather go there.
Bert:
Beautiful, ain't it? A typical English countryside, as done by a true and lovin' hand. Though you can't see it, there's a little country fair down that road and uh, over the hill.
Michael:
I don't see any road.
Bert:
What? No road? Just wants a bit of somethin' here, and a bit of somethin' there. There. A country road suitable for travel and high adventure.
Jane:
Please may we go, Mary Poppins? Please? Such a lovely place. Don't you think it's lovely, Mary Poppins?
Bert:
Now's the time, Mary Poppins. No one's lookin'.
Jane & Michael:
Please, Mary Poppins. Please! Please, Mary Poppins. Please!
Mary Poppins:
I have no intention of making a spectacle of myself, thank you.
Bert:
All right, I'll do it myself.
Mary Poppins:
A bit of magic?
Bert:
It's easy. Let's see. You think. You wink. You do a double blink. You close your eyes and jump.
Jane:
Is something 'sposed to happen?
Mary Poppins:
Bert, what utter nonsense! Ohh! Why do you always complicate things that are really quite simple? Give my your hand, please, Michael. Don't slouch. One, two.
Bert:
Mary Poppins, you look beautiful.
Mary Poppins:
Do you really think so?
Bert:
Cross my heart you do. Like the day I met ya.
Mary Poppins:
You look fine, too, Bert.
Michael:
I thought you said there was a fair.
Bert:
So I did. Down the road behind the hill, remember?
Jane:
Come on! I hear the merry-go-round.
Bert:
Tell 'em Bert sent ya.
Mary Poppins:
Don't fall and smudge the drawing.
Bert:
Ain't it a glorious day
Right as a mornin' in May
I feel like I could fly
Mary Poppins:
Now, Bert. None of your larking about.
Bert:
Thank you.
Guard:
They're off! It's Mary Poppins leadin' by two lengths. Jane is second by a length. Michael third.
Michael:
My horse is the fastest.
Bert:
Do you hear that, mate? Do you wanna put up with that? That's the ticket! Come on, my lad. Is that the best you can do?
Michael:
Hurry up, boy. Hurry up!
Mary Poppins:
Not so fast, please. Michael! Now really, Bert. You're as bad as the children.
Bert:
Sorry. Whoa, boy! Whoa! Whoa. Easy, boy. Whoa. Whoa. Just a bit of high spirits, Mary Poppins.
Mary Poppins:
Please control yourself. We are not on a racecourse.
Follow me, please.
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Bert:
Because I was afraid to speak when I was just a lad
Me father gave me nose a tweak and told me I was bad
But then one day I learned a word that saved me achin' nose
Bert & Mary Poppins:
The biggest word you ever heard and this is how it goes
Oh, supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Group:
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Mary Poppins:
He's traveled all around the world and everywhere he went
He'd use his word and all would say, "there goes a clever gent"
Bert:
When dukes and maharajahs pass the time of day with me
I'd say me special word and then they'd ask me out to tea
Bert & Mary Poppins:
Even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious
If you say it loud enough you'll always sound precocious
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Um diddle diddle diddle um diddle ay
Mary Poppins:
You know, you can say it backwards,
Which is, Dociousaliexpiistic- fragilcalirupus.
But that's going a bit too far, don't you think?
Bert:
No, I don't want to go to sleep.
Jane:
Mary Poppins, we're much too excited!
Mary Poppins:
Stay awake don't rest your head
Don't lie down upon your bed
While the moon drifts in the skies
Stay awake don't close your eyes
Though the world is fast asleep
Though your pillow's soft and deep
You're not sleepy as you seem
Stay awake don't nod and dream
Stay awake don't nod and dream
Admiral Boom:
Glorious day, Mr. Binnacle. Glorious! No one sleeps this morning. Put in a double charge of powder.
Mr. Binnacle:
A double charge? Aye, aye, sir.
Admiral Boom:
Shake things up a bit, what?
Mrs. Banks:
Take Ellen for instance. She hasn't broken a dish all morning.
Mr. Banks:
Really? Well, that is extraordinary.
Mrs. Banks:
And another thing. She and Cook usually fight like cats and dogs, but today--
Mrs. Brill:
Let me hold the door for you, Ellen dear.
Ellen:
Thanks ever so, ducks.
Mr. Banks:
Ellen, stop making that offensive noise! And shut the window! That bird's giving me a headache.
Ellen:
Yes, sir. Quiet! You're giving the master a headache.
Mrs. Banks:
I'm so sorry you're not feeling well this morning, George.
Mr. Banks:
Who said I'm not feeling well? I'm fit as a fiddle. I just don't understand why everyone's so confoundedly cheerful!
Jane & Michael:
Winifred, will you be good enough to explain this unseemly hullabaloo?
Mrs. Banks:
I don't think there's anything to explain, do you? It's obvious that you're out of sorts this morning. The children just came in to make you feel better.
Mr. Banks:
I should like to make one thing quite clear, once and for all. I am not out of sorts. I am in a perfectly equable mood. I don't require being made to feel better!
Mrs. Banks:
But you're always saying that you wanted a cheerful and pleasant household.
Mr. Banks:
Winifred, I should like to make a slight differentiation between the word cheerful and just plain giddy irresponsibility.
Mrs. Banks:
Excuse me, dear. Posts, everyone, please!
Mr. Banks:
I have no objection to anyone being cheerful or pleasant. But I do expect a certain decorum. I can tell you one thing, Winifred. I don't propose standing idly by and letting that woman, Mary Poppins, undermine the discipline and-- there's something odd, I may say extremely odd about the behavior of this household since that woman arrived. And I want you to know that I've noticed it!
Mrs. Banks:
Yes, dear?
Mr. Banks:
I suggest you have this piano repaired. When I sit down to an instrument, I like to have it in tune.
Mrs. Banks:
But, George, you don't play.
Mr. Banks:
Madam, that is entirely beside the point!
Mary Poppins:
Now, let me see. First of all, we must go to the piano tuners. And then we go to Mrs. Cory's sh-- Mrs. Cory's shop for some gingerbread.
Jane:
Ah, gingerbread!
Mary Poppins:
And then we go to the fishmonger's, I think, for a nice dover sole and a pint of prawns. Uh, Michael, stop stravaging along behind.
Admiral Boom:
Ahoy, there! Ahoy! Good day to you!
Mary Poppins:
Good morning, Admiral.
Admiral Boom:
Michael, what fine adventure are we off upon today? Going to fight the Hottentots? Dig for buried treasure?
Michael:
We're going to buy some fish.
Admiral Boom:
Very good! Proceed at flank speed.
Michael:
Aye, aye, sir.
Admiral Boom:
Let's put our backs into it, lad. More spit and polish. That's what's wanted around here.
Jane:
It's Andrew!
Mary Poppins:
Uh, not so fast, please. I can't understand a word you're saying. Again? Och! Oh, the poor man! Bless you. Well, yes, of course. There's not a moment to lose. I'll go straightaway. And thank you very much.
Jane:
Oh, uncle Albert!
Uncle Albert:
Oh, bless me. Bless my soul. It's Mary Poppins! I'm delight-- -I'm delighted to see you, Mary.
Mary Poppins:
Uncle Albert, you promised!
Uncle Albert:
Oh, I kn-- I know, I-- but I tried. Really, I did, my dear. I-- but I so enjoy laughing, you know? And, well-- and when I start, it's all up with the-- that's what happens to me. I love to laugh! Oh, my goodness! I can't help it. You can see that. I just like laughing, that's all.
Mary Poppins:
Jane, don't you dare! You'll only make him worse. It's really quite serious!
Bert:
Yes, whatever you do, keep a straight face. Last time, it took us three days to get him down.
Uncle Albert:
Loud and long and clear
I love to laugh
It's getting worse every year
The more I laugh
The more I fill with glee
Mary Poppins:
You're no help at all.
Uncle Albert:
The more I'm a merrier me
It's embarrassing.
The more I'm a merrier me
Mary Poppins:
Some people laugh through their noses
Sounding something like this -- dreadful!
Some people laugh through their teeth, goodness sakes
Hissing and fizzing like snakes
Not at all attractive to my way of thinking.
Bert:
That's so good!
Mary Poppins:
Such behaviour! Well, it's the most disgraceful sight I've ever seen, or my name isn't Mary Poppins.
Bert:
Speaking of names, I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
Uncle Albert:
What's the name of his other leg? Wasn't that funny? What's the name of his other--
Mary Poppins:
Now, then, children, it's time for tea. I will not have my schedule interrupted.
Uncle Albert:
Oh, please stay. Look, I have a splendid tea all ready for you.
Mary Poppins:
And it's getting cold!
Uncle Albert:
Well, I had hoped that maybe, that you would just, that-- splendid! Thank you very much! Keep your feet back. Mind the bread and butter. Now, watch it, children.
Bert:
I knew she could bring it off. And a proper tea it is, too.
Mary Poppins:
Next thing, I suppose, you'll be wanting me to pour out. Oh, well. If I must, I must. If you'll just stop behaving like a pack of laughing hyenas! Two lumps, uncle Albert?
Uncle Albert:
Uh, no, no, thank you. No sugar for me.
Jane:
I'm so glad you came. It wouldn't be any fun without you.
Mary Poppins:
Here, and you may pour some milk for Michael and yourself.
Bert:
Nice weather we're having this time of year, don't you think?
Uncle Albert:
Oh, yeah. Uh, speaking of weather, the other day when it was so cold, a friend of mine went to buy some long underwear, you know. The shopkeeper said to him, "How long do you want it?" and my friend said, "Well, from about September to March."
Mary Poppins:
Jane! Control yourself! Children, will you please sit up properly at the table? Your tea, uncle Albert.
Uncle Albert:
Oh, thank you, my dear. I'm having such a good time. I wish that you could all stay up here all the time.
Michael:
We'll jolly well have to. There's no way to get down.
Uncle Albert:
Oh, no, there is a way. Frankly I, I don't like to mention it, because you have to think of something sad.
Mary Poppins:
Then do get on with it, please!
Uncle Albert:
Let me see. I've got the very thing. Yesterday when the lady next door answered the bell, there was a man there. And the man said to the lady, "I'm terribly sorry. I just ran over your cat."
Jane:
Oh, that's sad. That's the saddest thing I ever heard.
Mary Poppins:
Come along, children. Spit spot!
Uncle Albert:
Must you really go? You know, people come to see me all the time, you know. And, and we have such a lovely time, and then they have to go home. And, and I'm very, very sad about the whole thing.
Michael:
Don't worry. We'll come back soon.
Jane:
We had a lovely time.
Mary Poppins:
Uh, keep an eye on uncle Albert, will you, Bert?
Bert:
I'll sit with him a while.
Mary Poppins:
Thank you. Come on.
Bert:
Uncle Albert, I got a jolly joke I saved for just such an occasion. Would you like to hear it?
Uncle Albert:
I'd be so grateful.
Bert:
Righto. Well, it's about me granddad, see? And one night, he had a nightmare, he did. So scared that he chewed his pillow to bits. Yes. To bits.
Uncle Albert:
He says, "Oh, not bad. A little down in the mouth!"
Yeah, I always say there's nothing like a good joke.
Uncle Albert:
No. And that was nothing like a good joke! That-
Admiral Boom:
Bit late tonight, aren't you, Banks? I say, Banks! Is anything the matter, Banks? Banks!
Jane:
Oh, Father, we're so glad you're home!
Michael:
Want to hear a joke?
Jane:
We had the most wonderful afternoon with Mary Poppins.
Michael:
Speaking of afternoons, the joke goes like this. I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
Mr. Banks:
Smith? We don't know anyone called Smith.
Michael:
And there was a second chap, and the second chap says, "What's the name of his other leg?"
Jane:
And we had a lovely tea party on the ceiling!
Mr. Banks:
Oh, children, please be quiet.
Jane:
Mary Poppins says if we're good, she'll take us there again.
Mr. Banks:
Oh. Oh, Mary Poppins said that, did she? Will you please return to your room. Mary Poppins, will you be kind enough to come with me?
Mary Poppins:
I, I'd love to stay, but I have to dress for my rally in Hampstead.
Mr. Banks:
Winifred, it is my wish that you be present!
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, yes, George, of course.
Mr. Banks:
Mary Poppins, I must confess I am extremely disappointed in you.
Ellen:
She's for it now. I've heard the master do this speech before.
Mr. Banks:
I don't deny that I am partially responsible for allowing the children to spend their days on worthless frivolity to the exclusion of all else! But it is high time they learned the seriousness of life!
Mrs. Banks:
But, George, they're only children.
Mr. Banks:
Precisely. And in the light of what has happened--
Mrs. Banks:
George, are you certain you know what you're doing?
Mr. Banks:
I believe I do, Winifred.
A British bank is run with precision
A British home requires nothing less
Tradition, discipline and rules
Without them disorder, chaos, moral disintegration
In short you have a ghastly mess
Mary Poppins:
The children must be molded shaped and taught
That life's a looming battle to be faced and fought
In short, I am disturbed to hear my children talking about popping in and out of chalk pavement pictures, consorting with racehorse persons, fox hunting. Yes, well I don't mind that quite so much. At any rate, it's traditional. But tea parties on the ceiling? I ask you. Having tea parties on the ceiling and highly-questionable outings of every other kind!
If they must go on outings
These outings ought to be
Fraught with purpose yes, and practicality
These silly words like
Tomorrow just as you suggest
Pressed and dressed
Jane and Michael will be at your side
Mr. Banks:
Splendid! You hit the nail right on the-- at my side? Where are we going?
Mary Poppins:
To the bank, of course, exactly as you proposed.
Mr. Banks:
I proposed?
Mary Poppins:
Of course. Now, if you'll excuse me. Tomorrow's an important day for the children. I shall see they have a proper night's sleep. Good night.
Mr. Banks:
Winifred, did I say that I was going to take the children to the bank?
Mrs. Banks:
It certainly sounded that way, dear.
Mr. Banks:
Oh. And why not? A capital idea! Just the medicine they need for all this slipshod, sugary female thinking they get around here all day long. Quite right. Good idea. Quite right. Good idea. Quite right.
Jane:
Mary Poppins, we won't let you go!
Mary Poppins:
Go? What on earth are you talking about?
Michael:
Father passes that every day. He sees that.
Mary Poppins:
Early each day to the steps of St. Paul's
The little old bird woman comes
In her own special way to the people she calls
Come buy my bags full of crumbs
Come feed the little birds show them you care
And you'll be glad if you do
Their young ones are hungry
Their nests are so bare
All it takes is tuppence from you
Feed the birds tuppence a bag
Tuppence, tuppence tuppence a bag
Feed the birds that's what she cries
While overhead her birds fill the skies
All around the cathedral
Look down as she sells her wares
Although you can't see it
You know they are smiling
Each time someone shows that he cares
Though her words are simple and few
Listen, listen she's calling to you
Feed the birds tuppence a bag
Tuppence, tuppence tuppence a bag
Though her words are simple and few
Listen, listen she's calling to you
Feed the birds tuppence a bag
Tuppence, tuppence tuppence a bag
Mr. Banks:
Now remember that a bank is a quiet and decorous place, so we must be on our best behaviour.
Michael:
But I thought it was your bank.
Mr. Banks:
Yes, well, I'm one of the younger officers, so in a sense it is, sort of.
Jane:
Waste your money on a lot of ragamuffin birds? Certainly not.
Jane:
But Mary Poppins-
Mr. Banks:
I am not interested in what Mary Poppins says. Nor do I wish to keep hearing her name for the remainder of the day. Now come along!
Michael:
But it's my tuppence!
Mr. Banks:
Michael, I will not permit you to throw your money away! When we get to the bank, I shall show you what may be done with your tuppence. And I think you'll find it extremely interesting.
Mr. Dawes:
Hello, Banks. What's all this about?
Mr. Banks:
These are my children, Mr. Dawes.
Mr. Dawes:
Well, so I assumed. But why are they here?
Mr. Banks:
They wish to open an account, sir.
Mr. Dawes:
Uh, Father, these are Banks's children. They want to open an account.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Oh, they do, do they, boy? Excellent. Excellent. We can al-always use, al-always use more money to, to put to work for the bank, can't we, boy?
So, you have tuppence? May I be permitted to see it?
Michael:
No. I want it to feed the birds!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Fiddlesticks, boy! Feed the birds and what have you got? Fat birds!
But if you invest your tuppence
Wisely in the bank
Soon that tuppence safely invested in the bank
Will compound
And you'll achieve that sense of conquest
As your affluence expands
In the hands of the directors
Who invest as propriety demands
Mr. Banks:
That it blooms into credit of a generous amount semi-annually
Bank Directors:
And you'll achieve that sense of stature
As your influence expands
To the high financial strata
That established credit now commands
Mr. Dawes (Snr) & Directors::
You can purchase first and second trust deeds. Think of the foreclosures! Bonds, chattels, dividends, shares. Bankruptcies. Debtor sales. Opportunities. All manner of private enterprise. Shipyards. The mercantile. Collieries. Tanneries. Corporations. Amalgamations.
Banks!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
While stand the banks of England, England stands. Oh, oh, oh, oh! When fall the banks of England, England falls!
Mr. Banks:
You see, Michael? All for the lack of...
Bank Directors:
Tuppence patiently, cautiously trustingly invested in the
To be specific in the Dawes, Tomes, Mousley, Grubbs, Fidelity Fiduciary Bank
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Welcome to our joyful family of investors.
Michael:
Give it back! Gimme back my money!
Mr. Banks:
He brought us to see his bank.
Bert:
I don't know what we did, but it must've been something dreadful.
Michael:
He sent the police after us, and the army and everything.
Jane:
Michael, don't exaggerate.
Bert:
Well, now, there must be some mistake. Your dad's a fine gentleman and he loves ya!
Jane:
I don't think so. You should've seen the look on his face.
Michael:
He doesn't like us at all.
Bert:
Well, now that don't seem likely, does it?
Jane:
It's true.
Bert:
Let's sit down. You know, begging your pardon, but the one my heart goes out to is your father. There he is in that cold, heartless bank day after day, hemmed in by mounds of cold, heartless money. I don't like to see any living thing caged up.
Jane:
Father in a cage?
Bert:
They makes cages in all sizes and shapes, you know. Bank-shaped some of 'em, carpets and all.
Jane:
Father's not in trouble. We are.
Bert:
Oh, sure about that, are you? Look at it this way. You've got your mother to look after you. And Mary Poppins, and Constable Jones and me. Who looks after your father? Tell me that. When something terrible happens, what does he do? Fends for himself, he does. Who does he tell about it? No one! Don't blab his troubles at home. He just pushes on at his job, uncomplaining and alone and silent.
Michael:
Michael, be quiet. Bert, do you think Father really needs our help?
Bert:
Well, not my place to say. I only observe that a father can always do with a bit of help. Come on, I'll take you home.
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheree
A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo
Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you
Or blow me a kiss and that's lucky too
Now as the ladder of life has been strung
You might think a sweep's on the bottommost rung
Though I spends me time in the ashes and smoke
In this whole wide world there's no happier bloke
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheree
A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo
Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you
Bert & Children:
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheree
A sweep is as lucky as lucky can be
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim chim cheroo
Good luck will rub off when I shakes hands with you
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, Ellen, see who that is, and send them away. I'm dreadfully late!
Ellen:
Well, I'll be gettin' along now.
Jane:
Oh, please stay 'til father comes home. He'll feel much better if you shake hands with him.
Ellen:
It's the children, ma'am.
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, I thought they were with their father. You haven't been running off again, have you? You know how terribly it upsets me.
Bert:
Oh, they haven't exactly been running away, ma'am. They have had bit of a fright, though. Need someone to look after 'em.
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, of course! Mary Poppins will. Oh, no, it's her day off! Ellen, I wonder if you would--
Ellen:
No, ma'am. I haven't done me brasses yet.
Mrs. Banks:
Well, will you ask Mrs. Brill?
Ellen:
Not for a hundred quid, ma'am. This here is baking day, and you know how cook is!
Mrs. Banks:
What about you, sir? You've been so kind in looking after the children.
Bert:
Wh-- uh, me, ma'am? W-well, well, I-I-I have to be moving along. The Lord Mayor's got a stopped-up chimney.
Mrs. Banks:
Chimney. How clever of you to know. Our drawing room chimney's in the most ghastly condition. Smokes incessantly.
Bert:
Besides, it'll amuse the children.
Bert:
The Lord Mayor's gonna be terrible put out.
Mrs. Banks:
Oh, thank you so much. I do appreciate it. I must hurry. Our gallant ladies in prison are waiting for me to lead them in song! Good-bye, my darlings. See you soon.
Bert:
I choose me bristles with pride, yes, I do
A broom for the shaft
And a brush for the flue
Jane:
Oh, it's awfully dark and gloomy up there.
Bert:
There now. You see how wrong people can be? That there is what you might call a doorway to a place of enchantment.
Up where the smoke is all billowed and curled
'Tween pavement and stars
Is the chimney sweep world
When there's hardly no day
Nor hardly no night
There's things half in shadow
And halfway in light
On the rooftops of London
Coo, what a sight.
I do wish we could go up there.
Michael:
So do I! I like chimneys.
Bert:
Oh, rightly so! A chimney is a wondrous thing. She's built tall right up there on the roof. When the wind is just right, it blows across her top, then draws the smoke right up the flue. Here. Feel the pull on the end of that brush. It's like I got a whale on the end of the line, ain't it? Michael,
Mary Poppins:
Be careful. You never know what may happen around a fireplace. Oh, bother!
Jane:
Michael! Michael, come back down here. Michael! Michael, where are you?
Bert:
Well, that's a bit awkward. I must say!
Mary Poppins:
Bert, I'll thank you to stop putting ideas in their heads! There goes the other one.
Bert:
Shall I go after 'em?
Mary Poppins:
Well, we can't have them gallivanting up there like kangaroos, can we?
Jane:
Michael, don't be frightened. Everything's going--
Mary Poppins:
Will you put your things on at once? Hurry up, please. Spit spot!
Bert:
Here you are! I thought you'd left us.
Jane:
We didn't mean to.
Bert:
Well, no harm done. The truth is, this is what you might call a fortuitous circumstance. Look there. A trackless jungle just waiting to be explored. Why not, Mary Poppins?
Jane:
It's just good, clean soot, Michael.
Bert:
As far as we go, right?
Mary Poppins:
Not at all.
Bert:
What did I tell ya? There's the whole world at your feet. And who gets to see it, but the birds, the stars and the chimney sweeps?
Mary Poppins:
Quite nice, but we should all get in out of the night air. Follow me, please.
Chim chiminy, chim chiminy chim
Chim cheree when you're with a sweep you're in glad company
Bert:
Nowhere is there a more happier crew
Bert & Mary Poppins:
Than them what sings chim chim cheree, chim cheroo
Chim chiminy chim chim cheree chim cheroo
Chimney Sweeps:
Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo! Cheroo!
Bert:
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
We step in time, we step in time
Kick your knees up!
Kick your knees up step in time
Kick your knees up, step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
Kick your knees up step in time
Round the chimney!
Round the chimney step in time
Round the chimney, step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
Round the chimney we step in time
Clap like a birdie.
Clap like a birdie step in time
Clap like a birdie, step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
Clap like a birdie in time
Up on the railing.
Up on the railing step in time
Up on the railing, step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme up
On the railing step in time
Over the rooftops!
Over the rooftops step in time
Over the rooftops, step in time
Never need a reason never need a rhyme
Step it time,
Why, yes, Banks. It's extremely serious.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
We regret this course of action.
Mr. Dawes:
We regret this course of action.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
After all, you have been with us a good many years.
Mr. Dawes:
After all, you have been with us a good many years.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
As was your father before you.
Mr. Dawes:
As was your father before you.
Mr. Banks:
Yes, Mr. Dawes. I shall be there at 9:00.
A man has dreams of walking with giants.
To carve his niche in the edifice of time.
Before the mortar of his zeal
Has a chance to congeal
The cup is dashed from his lips!
The flame is snuffed a-borning.
He's brought to wrack and ruin in his prime.
Bert:
Life is a rum go, guv'nor, and that's the truth.
Mr. Banks:
You know what I think? It's that woman Mary Poppins. From the moment she stepped into this house, things began to happen to me!
Bert:
No wonder everything's higgledy-piggledy here.
Bert:
A spoonful of sugar goes a long, long way
Have yourself a healthy helpin' everyday
An healthy helpin' of trouble, if you ask me.
Mr. Banks:
Do you know what she did? I realize it now. She tricked me into taking Jane and Michael to the bank. That's how all the trouble started.
Bert:
Tricked you into taking the children on an outing?
Mr. Banks:
Yes.
Bert:
Outrageous! A man with all the important things you have to do. Shameful! You're a man of high position. Esteemed by your peers.
And when your little tykes are cryin' you haven't time to dry their tears
and see them grateful little faces smilin' up at you
because their dad he always knows just what to do
Mr. Banks:
Well I mean, look, I, I don't think I ca-- -
Bert:
You've got to grind, grind, grind at that grindstone
Though childhood slips like sand through a sieve
And all too soon they've up and grown
And then they've flown
And it's too late for you to give
Just that spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down
The medicine go down
Well, good-bye, guv'nor. Sorry to have troubled you.
Jane:
Father? We're sorry about the tuppence. We didn't know it would cause you so much trouble.
Michael:
Here, father, you can have the tuppence.
Jane:
Will that make everything all right?
Mr. Banks:
Well, get on with it. Go on.
Mr. Dawes:
Uh, yes, Father. In 1773, an official of this bank, unwisely loaned a large sum of money, to finance a shipment of tea to the American colonies. Do you know what happened?
Mr. Banks:
Yes, sir. Yes, I think I do. Uh, uh, as the ship lay in Boston harbor, uh, a party of the colonists dressed as Red Indians, uh, boarded the vessel, behaved very rudely, and, and threw all the tea overboard. This made the tea unsuitable for drinking, even for Americans.
Mr. Dawes:
Precisely. The loan was defaulted. Panic ensued within these walls. There was a run on the bank!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
From that time to this, sir, there has not been a run on this bank until today! A run, sir, caused by the disgraceful conduct of your son. Do you deny it?
Mr. Banks:
I do not deny it, sir. And I shall be only too glad to assume responsibility for my son.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
What are you waiting for? Get on with it!
Mr. Dawes:
Speaking of impertinence, would you like to hear a perfectly marvelous joke? A real snapper!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Joke? Snapper?
Mr. Banks:
Yes. There are these two wonderful young people, Jane and Michael. And they meet one day on the street, and Jane says to Michael, "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith." and Michael says, "Really? What's the name of his other leg?"
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
The man's gone mad. Call the guard!
Mr. Banks:
Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious. I'm feeling better all the time!
Mr. Dawes:
Banks, don't you dare strike my father!
Mr. Banks:
There's the tuppence. The wonderful, fateful, Supercalifragilistic- expialidocious tuppence. Guard it well. Good-bye!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Banks, where are you going?
Mr. Banks:
I don't know. I might pop through a chalk pavement picture, and go for an outing in the country. Or I might seize a horse off a merry-go-round, and win the derby! Or I might just fly a kite! Only Poppins would know!
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
Mad as a march hare.
Mr. Dawes (Snr):
A wooden leg named Smith. A wooden leg named Smith. A wooden le--
Mr. Dawes:
Father? Father! Father, come down! Daddy! Daddy, come back!
Admiral Boom:
Wind's come around, blowing dead on from the west!
Michael:
She doesn't care what happens to us.
Jane:
She only promised to stay 'til the wind changed. Isn't that right, Mary Poppins?
Mary Poppins:
Will you bring me my hat stand, please?
Jane:
Mary Poppins, don't you love us?
Mary Poppins:
And what would happen to me, may I ask, if I loved all the children I said good-bye to?
Constable:
Yes, sir, that's right. George W. Banks. 17 Cherry Tree Lane. About six foot one, I'd say, sir. Oh, yes, we rang up his bank first thing this morning. The only thing we discovered was, he'd been discharged last night. No telling what he might do in a fit of despondency.
Ellen:
Wouldn't hurt to have them drag the river. There's a nice spot there by Suffolk bridge. Popular with jumpers.
Mrs. Banks:
Really, Ellen!
Constable:
He seemed to have been a fine, stable gentleman, sir. No hanky-panky, if you know what I mean. Oh, regular habits, sir. Well, far as anyone knows.
Mr. Banks:
Helps the medicine go down
Ellen:
Or something that sounds like him.
Constable:
Mrs. Banks, could we have a little less noise on the premises? I can't make out what the inspector's sayin'.
Mr. Banks:
In the most delightful way
Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down
Mrs. Banks:
George! Oh, George, you didn't jump in the river. How sensible of you.
Constable:
It's all right, sir. He's been found! No, alive! Or so I presume. He's a-kissin' a-Mrs. Banks.
Mrs. Banks:
I've been so worried. What happened at the bank?
Mr. Banks:
I've been sacked, discharged, flung into the street.
A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down
Ellen:
Gone off his crumpet. That's what he's done.
Mr. Banks:
It's wonderful! However did you manage it?
Mr. Banks:
With tuppence for paper and strings
You can have your own set of wings
With your feet on the ground
You're a bird in flight
With your fist holding tight
To the string of your kite
Oh, oh, oh
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height
Let's go fly a kite
And send it soaring
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite
Mrs. Banks:
A proper kite needs a proper tail, don't you think?
Constable:
That's what I said, sir. Go fly a kite! Oh, no, sir. No, I, I don't mean you personally.
Banks Family:
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Up through the atmosphere
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite
Bert:
When you send it flying up there
All at once you're lighter than air
You can dance on the breeze
Over houses and trees
With your fist holding tight
To the string of your kite
Kite Flyers:
Let's go fly a kite
Up to the highest height
Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring
Mr. Dawes:
Oh, there you are, Banks. I want to congratulate you. Capital bit of humor. Wooden leg named Smith. Or Jones or whatever it was. Father died laughing.
Mr. Banks:
Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.
Mr. Dawes:
Oh, no, nonsense. Nothing to be sorry about. Never seen him happier in his life. He left an opening for a new partner. Congratulations.
Mr. Banks:
Thank you, sir. Thank you very much indeed, sir.
Kite Flyers:
Up where the air is clear
Oh, let's go fly a kite
Umbrella:
That's gratitude for you. Didn't even say good-bye.
Mary Poppins:
No, they didn't.
Umbrella:
Look at them. You know, they think more of their father than they do of you.
Mary Poppins:
That's as it should be.
Umbrella: