Bad Songs of the Seventies
brought out violent thoughts of hatred, revenge, etc.
reminded me how lame the radio and record companies are
could make me want to break my stereo
would make me leave a bar or club if they started playing it
would make me boo a band who started playing it
suspended my believe in a divine force that governs the universe
I'm not saying that there weren't ANY good songs during the 70s but there was just a truck-load of waste back then. If anybody's stupid enough to think that ALL disco sucks, remember that it's just a bastard son of rhythm & blues just like rock'n'roll is- so they're related, see? Also, the 1970's definitely didn't have a monopoly on shitty music- there was tons of crap unleashed on us in the decade before and after and now also (there's a future article there somewhere). Clothes-pin anyone?
I've bolded some of the major offenders, which doesn't mean I 'like' the others better but only that some of the songs are a higher grade of crap than the other manure here.
Also, if we've misquoted a lyric from one of these masterpieces, please let us know . We don't want to misrepresent great art!
Abba "Dancing Queen"
      Nostalgia for them was cute for a few seconds but get real- 'see that girl/watch that scene/diggin' the dancing queen'
Abba "Knowing Me, Knowing You"
Abba "Take A Chance On Me"
Abba "Waterloo"
Ambrosia "How Much I Feel"
America "Horse With No Name"
      A Neil Young imitation in voice only
America "Tin Man"
       'Oz never did give nothin' to the Tin Man/That he didn't, didn't already have'
America "Ventura Highway"
      A George Harrison imitation- they flatter him
America "Lonely People"
Paul Anka "Having My Baby"
      Did someone say abortion?
Atlanta Rhythm Section "Imaginary Lover"
      Sorry guys but Muscle Shoals is a real rhythm section not you
Atlanta Rhythm Section "So Into You"
Bad Company "Rock and Roll Fantasy"
      The Kinks did a little better with this title- 'It's all part of my rock'n'roll dre-eams'
Bad Company "Feel Like Makin' Love"
      At least this was better than the same title by Roberta Flack
Bee Gees "How Deep Is Your Love?"
Bee Gees "Love You Inside Out"
Bee Gees "Stayin' Alive"
Bee Gees "Too Much Heaven"
Bee Gees "Tragedy"
Bee Gees "You Should Be Dancing"
Bellamy Brothers "Let Your Love Flow"
       'Like a bird on wing..'
George Benson "This Masquerade"
Chuck Berry "My Ding A Ling"
       A shame that he had to finally go Number 1 with a kiddie song about his dick
Stephen Bishop "On And On"
      A lot less funny than his ANIMAL HOUSE cameo where he sang 'I gave my love a chicken that had no bone'
Blue Magic "Side Show"
Blue Swede "Hooked On A Feeling"
      Did these guys sound constipated or what? 'Ooga-choka!'
Boney M "Brown Girl in the Ring"
Debby Boone "You Light Up My Life"
       'You give me hope/to car-ry on...'
Bread "If"
Bread "Make It With You"
      David Gates did produced Capt. Beefheart once so he has SOME hip credentials
Jackson Browne "Doctor, My Eyes"
      Really dopey title. It makes about as much sense as "Toys 'R' Us."- Wes
Eric Burdon "Spill The Wine"
Glen Campbell "Rhinestone Cowboy"
Captain and Tennille "Do That To Me One More Time"
Captain and Tennille "Love Will Keep Us Together"
Captain and Tennille "Muskrat Love"
      If the Carpenters can be hip, why can't Toni?
Captain and Tennille "Shop Around"
       They thought they could improve on Smokey?
Captain and Tennille "The Way I Want To Touch You"
Eric Carmen "All By Myself"
      Cool enough for Greg Brady to sing
Carpenters "Close To You"
      I know Sonic Youth likes Karen but what about Richard?
Carpenters "For All We Know"
Carpenters "Please Mr. Postman"
Carpenters "Rainy Days And Mondays"
Carpenters "Sing"
       'Sing/Sing a song'- now, that's deep...
Carpenters "Top Of The World"
Carpenters "We've Only Just Begun"
      I am proud to say that I got through my newlywed years without once thinking of this song after our reception- Wes
David Cassidy "Cherish"
Shaun Cassidy "Da Doo Ron Ron"
      File under 'where are they now?'
Harry Chapin "Cat's In The Craddle"
Harry Chapin "Taxi"
Cher "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves"
Cher "Half-Breed"
Chicago "Baby What A Big Surprise"
Chicago "Color My World"
       I don't care how many times this was played as the slow dance at dances, I never got to like it- Wes
Chicago "Does Anybody Know What Time It Is"
Chicago "If You Leave Me Now"
       'You'll take away the biggest part of me/Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo Baby, please don't go'
Chicago "Make Me Smile"
Chicago "Saturday In the Park"
Chicago "25 Or 6 to 4"
      This actually rocked a little but still...
Eric Clapton "Lay Down Sally"
       This guy definitely forgot this roots
Eric Clapton "Promises"
      Painful to think about... 'Precious and few are moments sweet two can share'
Climax Blues Band "Couldn't Get It Right"
Joe Cocker "You Are So Beautiful"
      A great blues singer but like Clapton...
Natalie Cole "I Got Love On My Mind"
Commodores "Easy"
      A shame they didn't stick with 'Machine Gun' and 'Brick House'
Commodores "Lady"
Commodores "Three Times A Lady"
       'You're once, twice, three times a lady'
      But if it didn't exist we wouldn't have heard Eddie Murphy sing it as Buckwheat- Wes
Bill Conti "Gonna Fly Now (Theme From Rocky)"
       A shame they wouldn't let the Feelies cover this for SOMETHING WILD
Rita Coolidge "Higher and Higher"
      Jackie Wilson is doing somersults in his grave
Rita Coolidge "We're All Alone"
Coven "One Tin Soldier"
Jim Croce "I'll Have To Say I Love You In A Song"
Jim Croce "Time In A Bottle"
Crosby, Stills and Nash "Just A Song Before I Go"
      Alright, as long as you leave
Burton Cummings "Stand Tall"
Daddy Dewdrop "Chick A Boom (Don't Ya Jes' Love It)"
Charlie Daniels "The Devil Went Down To Georgia"
Mac Davis "Baby Don't Get Hooked On Me"
       'I'll just use you / then I'll set you free-ee-ee'
Paul Davis "I Go Crazy"
Sammy Davis Jr. "The Candy Man"
Dawn "Knock Three Times"
Dawn "Tie A Yellow Ribbon"
      Really big during the Gulf War
Rick Dees and His Cast of Idiots "Disco Duck"
       Using Daffy would have been much funnier than using Donald
       At least nobody can claim the name of the band is fraudulent- Wes
John Denver "Rocky Mountain High"
      Even more country than Hank Williams at the time
John Devner "Sunshine On My Shoulder"
       I always thought this would be a good tune for post-operative lobotomites to learn- Wes
John Denver "Take Me Home Country Roads"
John Denver "Thank God I'm A Country Boy"
Neil Diamond "I Am I Said"
      The Monkees and UB40 do his material better than he does
Neil Diamond "Song Sung Blue"
Disco Tex and the Sex-O-Lettes "Get Dancin"
Bo Donaldson and the Haywoods "Billy Don't Be A Hero"
      A bell-bottom soap opera- 'Come back and make me your wife'
Doobie Brothers "What A Fool Believes"
Carl Douglas "Kung Fu Fighting"
       'It was as fast as lightening... In fact, it was a little bit fright-ening'
Dr. Hook "Only 16"
      These guys were actually funny but maybe that was just Shel Silverstein
Dr. Hook "Sharing The Night Together"
Dr. Hook "When You're In Love With A Beautiful Woman"
      For some reason this one gets my wife really angry, so it's valuable- Wes
Eagles "Best of My Love"
       Rule of thumb- do not use 'wo-ho-ho' as a lyric
Eagles "Hotel California"
       Part of their musical war with Steely Dan. Nice 'accent'
Eagles "I Can't Tell You Why"
Eagles "Lying Eyes"
Eagles "New Kid In Town"
Eagles "Take It Easy"
Eagles "Take It To The Limit"
Eagles "Witchy Woman"
Edison Lighthouse "Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)"
Electric Light Orchestra "Can't Get It Out Of My Head"
Electric Light Orchestra "Shine A Little Love"
Yvonne Elliman "If I Can't Have You"
       '..I don't want nobody baby/Wo..oh..oh..'
Emotions "Best of My Love"
England Dan and John Ford Coley "I'd Really Love To See You Tonight"
Exile "Kiss You All Over"
      This is supposed to be a country band, mind you
Freddy Fender "Before The Next Teardrop Falls"
       'Wasted Days and Wasted Nights' is Tex-Mex worthy of Sir Douglas but this is much too sentimental
Jay Ferguson "Thunder Island"
Firefall "Just Remember I Love You"
       'And it'll be alright...'
Roberta Flack "Feel Like Making Love"
Roberta Flack "First Time Ever I Saw Your Face"
Roberta Flack "Killing Me Softly"
Roberta Flack/Donny Hathaway "The Closer I Get To You"
Roberta Flack/Donny Hathaway "Where Is the Love"
Fleetwood Mac "Dreams"
       Stevie Nicks- the queen of bad rock soap operas
Floaters "Float On"
       'Longer than, there've been fishes in the ocean/I've been in love with you'
Foreigner "Cold As Ice"
       'You're willing to sacrifice our love'
Foreigner "Double Vision"
Foreigner "Feels Like The First Time"
Fortunes "Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again"
Four Seasons "Who Loves You"
Four Seasons "December 1963 (Oh, What A Night)"
       'What a ver-y special time for me/What a la-dy, what a night'
Peter Frampton "I'm In You"
Peter Frampton "Show Me The Way"
      Nice wah-wah vocals
Crystal Gale "Don't It Make My Brown Eyes Blue"
Gallery "(It's so) Nice To Be With You"
      'I love all the things you say and do'
Leif Garrett "I Was Made For Dancin'"
      I don't think so
Gloria Gaynor "I Will Survive"
Gloria Gaynor "Never Can Say Goodbye"
David Geddes "Run Joey Run"
       On par with 'Billy, Don't Be a Hero'
Andy Gibb "I Just Want To Be Your Everything"
Andy Gibb "Love Is Thicker Than Water"
      Name recoginition always helps
Nick Gilder "Hot Child In The City"
      'runnin' wild and looking pretty'
Andrew Gold "Lonely Boy"
      See what happens when you ditch Linda Ronstadt- you become Jerry Brown
Grand Funk Railroad "Closer To Home"
Henry Gross "Shannon"
Guess Who "Share The Land"
Guess Who "These eyes"
      'You're a bitch girl/you're a rich bitch girl'
Hall & Oates "Sara Smile"
Hamilton, Joe Frank & Reynolds "Don't Pull Your Love Out"
Albert Hammond "It Never Rains In Southern California"
      Thanks for the weather report but it does actually
George Harrison "Give Me Love (Give Me Peace On Earth)"
      Didn't he learn anything from Monty Python?
Heatwave "Always and Forever"
Dan Hill "Sometimes When We Touch"
      Andrew Dice Clay did a funnier version
Hollies "He Ain't Heavy"
Hollies "The Air That I Breathe"
Eddie Holman "Hey There Lonely Girl"
      Nice Four Seasons falsetto though
Clint Holmes "Playground In My Mind"
      Even kids could see through this
Rupert Holmes "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"
Thelma Houston "Don't Leave Me This Way"
Engelbert Humperdinck "After The Loving"
      '...I'm still in love with you'
Janis Ian "At Seventeen"
Terry Jacks "Seasons In The Sun"
      'We had joy, we had fun... But the stars we could reach were just starfish on the beach'
Michael Jackson "Ben"
Jefferson Starship "Count On Me"
      Guess their vocal coach couldn't make this session
Jefferson Starship "Miracles"
      Amazing to think they once said 'up against the wall motherfukcers' (or was that Pink Floyd?)
Jigsaw "Sky High"
Billy Joel "Just The Way You Are"
Elton John "Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me"
Elton John "Someone Saved My Life Tonight"
Elton John "Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word"
      You SHOULD be sorry Elton- what happened to 'Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting'?
Elton John and Kiki Dee "Don't Go Breaking My Heart"
      Not as fun as his remake with RuPaul
Robert John "Sad Eyes"
Rickie Lee Jones "Chuck E's In Love"
      Joni Mitchell as a fake boho ain't an appealing proposition
Kansas "Carry On My Wayward Son"
Kansas "Dust In The Wind"
      I used to call it "Ducks in the Wind"- Wes
      'All we are is dust in the wind'- wow, man...
Andy Kim "Rock Me Gently"
Carole King "It's Too Late"
Carole King "So Far Away"
Kiss "I Was Made For Loving You"
      Their attempt at disco
Kool and the Gang "Too Hot"
Vicki Lawrence "The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia"
      'don't trust your soul to no backwoods southern lawyer'
Nicolette Larson "Lotta Love"
      She should know better than to try to go up against her old boss Neil Young
Gordon Lightfoot "If You Could Read My Mind"
       'what a tale my thoughts could tell'
Gordon Lightfoot "Sundown"
Gordon Lightfoot "Wreck Of The Edmund Fitzgerald"
Little River Band "Lonesome Loser"
       'Have you heard about the lonesome loser/beaten by the Queen of Hearts every time..'
Little River Band "Reminiscing"
Lobo "I'd Love You To Want Me"
Lobo "Me And You And Dog Named Boo"
       'Travelin' an' livin' off the land'
Dave Loggins "Please Come To Boston"
Kenny Loggins "Whenever I Call You Friend"
Loggins and Messina "Your Mama Don't Dance"
      Newsflash: neither can you guys
Looking Glass "Brandy"
Melissa Manchester "Don't Cry Out Loud"
Maria Maldaur "Midnight At the Oasis"
Chuck Mangioine "Feels So Good"
      This guy was actually 'jazz'?
Barry Manilow "Can't Smile Without You"
Barry Manilow "Copacabana"
      'At the Copa/Copacabana/The hottest spot North of Havana..'
Barry Manilow "It's A Miracle"
Barry Manilow "I Write The Songs"
      Supposedly a Brian Wilson tribute- 'I am music'
Barry Manilow "Looks Like Me Made It"
Barry Manilow "Mandy"
       'you came and you gave without taking'
Johnny Mathis/Deneice Williams "Too Much, Too Little, Too Late"
C.W. McCall "Convoy"
      Good for a laugh but not for repeated listens: 'Eleven long-haired friends of Jesus in a chartreuse micro-bus'
Paul McCartney/Wings "My Love"
Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. "You Don't Have To Be A Star Baby"
      The title alone is putrid
Van McCoy "The Hustle"
Mary McGregor "Torn Between Two Lovers"
       'Loving both of you, is breaking all the rules'
Don McLean "American Pie"
      Why do people care what this really means?
Meatloaf "Paradise By The Dashboard Light"
       Scooter, how could you?
Meatloaf "Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad"
Meatloaf "You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth"
Melanie "Brand New Key"
Eddie Money "Baby Hold On"
Moody Blues "Nights In White Satin"
       King Crimson should have stolen their mellotron
       Note to wise-asses: this came out in the '60's but was also a hit in the '70's
Mocedades "Eres Tu"
Anne Murray "You Needed Me"
David Naughton "Makin' It"
New Seekers "I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing"
      Good enough for Coca Cola
New Seekers "Look What They've Done To My Song"
Wayne Newton "Daddy Don't You Walk So Fast"
Olivia Newton-John "Have You Ever Been Mellow"
Olivia Newton-John "Hopelessly Devoted To You"
Olivia Newton-John "I Honestly Love You"
Olivia Newton-John "Let Me Be There"
      If John Denver can be country, I guess she can too.
Maxine Nightingale "Right Back To Where We Started From"
      'Love is good/love can be strong'
Nilsson "Without You"
      Harry was actually cool otherwise (really funny too) but a weepy ballad is too much to forgive
Kenny Nolan "I Like Dreaming"
       'Sweet dream baby I love you'
Ocean "Put Your Hand In The Hand"
Alan O'Day "Undercover Angel"
      You'd think Elton's drummer would know more about dancin'
Odyssey "Native New Yorker"
       'I want to be your partner/Dance With Me/The music has just started...'
Orleans "Love Takes Time"
Donny Osmond "Go Away Little Girl"
      A wiser future generation will vindicate Donny Osmond. You watch- Wes
Donny Osmond "Puppy Love"
Donny Osmond "The 12th of Never"
Marie Osmond "Paper Roses"
The Osmonds "Down By The Lazy River"
The Osmonds "One Bad Apple"
      This is what they tried to pit against the Jacksons?
Gilbert O'Sullivan "Alone Again Naturally"
      Bad enough that he had to sue Biz Markie over this
Gilbert O'Sullivan "Claire"
Ozark Mountain Daredevils "Jackie Blue"
Pablo Cruise "Love Will Find A Way"
Paper Lace "The Night Chicago Died"
      'I heard my mama cry/I heard her pray...'
       To think they wanted the city to have it as their song (about a massacre no less)
Dolly Parton "Here You Come Again"
Partridge Family "I Think I Love You"
      At least Danny's still funny
      You're confusing pathetic with funny- Wes
Peaches and Herb "Reunited"
Peter Paul and Mary "Leaving On A Jet Plane"
      Wow, talk about weepy
Python Lee Jackson "In A Broken Dream"
      Before Rod was Rod
Queen "We Are The Champions"
      Nice for sporting events but not much else
Gerry Rafferty "Baker Street"
Lou Rawls "You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine"
      Didn't Sam Cooke teach him anything?
Raydio "Jack and Jill"
Chris Rea "Fool If You Think It's Over"
Helen Reddy "Ain't No Way To Treat A Lady"
Helen Reddy "Angie Baby"
Helen Reddy "I Am Woman"
      Lovely anthem but why should anyone listen?
Helen Reddy "I Don't Know How To Love Him"
Helen Reddy "You and Me Against The World"
Helen Reddy "Ruby Red Dress (Leave Me Alone)"
Paul Revere "Indian Reservation"
      Proving once again that the best way not to help a group of people is to write a pop song about 'em- Wes
Charlie Rich "The Most Beautiful Girl In the World"
       He was much too good to try to go pop like this- great for weeping in your beer though
Cliff Richard "Devil Woman"
Cliff Richard "We Don't Talk Anymore"
Righteous Brothers "Rock and Roll Heaven"
       Wonder if Darby Crash is there
Minnie Riperton "Loving You"
       Screaming on a ballad? How punk
Kenny Rogers "Lady"
      This was country too? No wonder he went into fried chicken
Kenny Rogers "She Believes In Me"
Rolling Stones "Angie"
      Even Keith would nod off when they did this live
Linda Ronstadt "Blue Bayou"
      Roy knew how to yell out ballads but she didn't
Diana Ross "Theme From Mahagony (Do You Know Where You're Going To)"
      'Do you like the things that life is showing you?'
Diana Ross "Touch Me In The Morning"
Todd Rundgren "Hello It's Me"
Samantha Sang "Emotion"
Leo Sayer "You Make Me Feel Like Dancing"
Leo Sayer "When I Need You"
Neil Sedaka "Bad Blood"
       Couldn't Elton John leave well enough alone?
Neil Sedaka "Laughter In The Rain"
Bob Seger "We've Got Tonight"
       This from an Ike and Tina fan who did 'Get Out of Denver'? 'Who needs tomor-row/why don't you stay?'
Silver Convention "Fly Robin Fly"
Silver Convention "Get Up and Boogie"
Simon and Garfunkel "Bridge Over Troubled Waters"
Carly Simon "Anticipation"
      At least Heinz liked this... 'It's keepin' me wai-ai-ai-ting'
Carly Simon "Haven't Got The Time For The Pain"
Carly Simon "Nobody Does It Better"
       007 deserved better than this
Carly Simon "That's The Way I've Always Heard It Should Be"
Carly Simon/James Taylor "Mockingbird"
Rex Smith "You Take My Breath Away"
Sniff and the Tears "Driver's Seat"
David Soul "Don't Give Up On Us Baby"
      Much cooler as Starsky or Hutch
Starbuck "Moonlight Feels Right"
Starland Vocal Band "Afternoon Delight"
       'Sky rockets in flight...'
Stealers Wheel "Stuck In The Middle With You"
      Do you really need a lame Dylan imitation, even if Quentin Tarentino digs it?
Cat Stevens "Another Saturday Night"
      Sam Cooke necrophilia
Cat Stevens "It's A Wild World"
Cat Stevens "Morning Has Broken"
       Only a special performer can get on Natalie Merchant's shitlist and want to kill Salman Rushdie
Ray Stevens "Everything Is Beautiful"
      Anybody who can cluck like a chicken shouldn't bother with Barry Manilow
Al Stewart "Time Passages"
Al Stewart "Year of the Cat"
John Stewart "Gold"
Rod Stewart "D'Ya Think I'm Sexy"
      Forget the fact that he stole this from Jorge Ben- the answer to the title is no
Rod Stewart "You're In My Heart"
Stephen Stills "Love The One You're With"
      A lovely hippie sentiment
Barbra Streisand "Evergreen (Theme From Star Is Born)"
Barbara Streisand "The Way We Were"
Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond "You Don't Bring Me Flowers"
      Even a lounge act wouldn't sink to this pap 'You don't sing me love songs...'
Sweet "Love Is Like Oxygen"
Donna Summer "MacArthur's Park"
      Wasn't Richard Harris bad enough?
Supertramp "Goodbye Stranger"
      Wasn't it a little early to imitate the Bee Gees?
Supertramp "Logical Song"
10CC "I'm Not In Love"
Tavares "Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel"
      Offensive just for the title- it sounds like a really bad pick-up line
James Taylor "Fire and Rain"
James Taylor "How Sweet It Is"
       Worse than Marvin's version but it really gauls me to think that he made much more money off of it
James Taylor "You've Got A Friend"
Johnnie Taylor "Disco Lady"
      Surely a dip in his good standing as a soul man
R. Dean Taylor "Indiana Wants Me"
B.J. Thomas "Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song"
      'And make me feel at home/while I miss my baby/while I miss my baby'
B.J. Thomas "Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head"
Three Degrees "When Will I See You Again"
Three Dog Night "Black and White"
       Even worse than Stevie and McCartney trying to make a positive statement on race relations
Three Dog Night "Old Fashioned Love Song"
Three Dog Night "The Show Must Go On"
Toto "Hold The Line"
       'Love isn't always on time..'
John Travolta "Let Her In"
      Barbarino sings
John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John "Summer Nights"
John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John "You're The One That I Want"
Andrea True Connection "More More More"
Bonnie Tyler "It's A Heartache"
      It's a headache
Frankie Valli "My Eyes Adored You"
       'Like a million miles away from me, you couldn't see...'
Frankie Valli "Swearin' To God"
Vanity Fair "Hitchin' A Ride"
Gino Vannelli "I Just Want To Stop"
       '...for your love'
Randy Vanwarmer "Just When I Needed You The Most"
Village People "In The Navy"
      Good for a laugh if you like camp but nothing you'd want to invest in
Village People "Macho Man"
Bobby Vinton "My Melody Of Love"
      Well, at least he was multi-lingual
Jennifer Warnes "Right Time Of The Night"
Bob Welch "Ebony Eyes"
Andy Williams "Where Do I Begin (Theme From Love Story)"
      More important- when do you end?
Wings "Goodnight Tonight"
       Paul goes disco- sounds like a lounge act
Wings "Let 'Em In"
      Paul ought to know- he became the expert after divorcing Lennon (or vice versa)
Gary Wright "Dream Weaver"
       Appropriately named- puts you to sleep 'I be-lieve we can make it through the ni-ight..'
John Paul Young "Love Is In The Air"
Now that you've been suitably sickened, you might want to see the professional, constructive criticism we've gotten over this article.
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